“I’m fat.”
This was a phrase I consistently told myself growing up. There are pictures upon pictures of me all through my teens covering my then super flat stomach. I am not sure why I was so self conscious, but I could never bring myself to be confident.
Confidence is something that I learned. When I came to Austin for college, I created a whole other life for myself. I pretended that I was “popular” in high school and that I had loads of friends back home. This helped me get over the fear f talking to new people because I felt like they would see me as someone they would love to hang out with. Although I was lying to people about my past, I felt like it was the only way to win them over. All my life I just wanted to be liked. I cared way to much about what people thought of me.
My second semester in college was probably the toughest emotionally. My self-esteem dropped to an all time low. I started skipping class more often and I also started reverting back to my high school self. I decided then that I would come clean to all my new friends and sorority sisters. I was not who they thought I was. I wasn’t the hip girl they had come to love. I was just another loser who didn’t deserve their friendship or their kindness.
To my surprise, nobody hated me for that. All my friends stayed my friends because I was simply myself. It didn’t matter who I was or wasn’t in high school. When I finally realized this is the point in my life that I started to change. Little by little I came back to my normal self. As the years passed I started to care less of what people thought of me. I started to strengthen all my friendships and form new ones with people I would have never thought I would be friends with while growing up.
I learned to be confident because I had to. My whole life I knew I wanted to make a difference in the world. In college, I learned that I would have to be confident and driven if I wanted to succeed in that goal.
There are still times when I revert back to my high school self. Every time I was left by a boyfriend for another girl. Every time a person I considered a “friend” said something to make me less than what I am. Every time I got back a failing grade during college. Every time a man or, even worse, a woman in engineering looks at me like I have no clue what I am doing. It’s hard to be and stay confident because I still sometimes hear that little voice in the back of my head telling me, “You are nobody. You are a loser.”
It’s easy to post motivational pictures on Instagram. It’s easy to be THAT GIRL behind a computer screen. I strive to make my family, friends, and other women feel empowered. I know how hard it is to be self conscious and, sometimes, getting a little push from someone can make all the difference.
I always dreamed of being a beauty queen. I always dreamed of being in a pageant. I just never had the lady balls to do it. Last year, I learned about a pageant from a girl that goes to my gym. She had so many great thing to say about it so I told myself I would do it this year.
My main reasons for doing this pageant were to prove that you can be pretty and well educated, to gain access to the Austin Latina/o community, and to have fun! I know that if I were to win this pageant that I would use my “power” to promote more girls and women to pursue fields in S.T.E.M. and also to volunteer my time to the Austin community in ways that I can’t right now as a civilian (haha). There are so many doors that could open up for me if I win, but also just by competing in the first place. Mostly, I am doing this for the girl that thought she was a loser and who never saw herself being anything more than that.
If you would like to help me make it to semi-finals, please go to the Miss Austin Texas Latina Facebook Page and “Like” my photo. Thanks so much to everyone who has already shown their support. It means so much to me!
I also decided that it was time to bring The Nueva Latina to YouTube. I know that I might not be the hippest ir the prettiest Vlogger out there, but this is something I have been wanting to do since 2009 and I finally feel confident enough to make it happen!!
I am so excited to share my life with you all!! I will be doing workout videos, travel videos, product reviews, music interviews, and just talking LIFE and ADULTING with you all! Thanks to everyone for all the support!
You can check out my trailer below! Be sure to Watch, Subscribe, Thumbs Up, and Share.
I guess you can say I found my own Sasha Fierce along the way and her name is Anali Martinez.
Stay in love,
Anali – The Nueva Latina
